Profanities
by Yours truly - Pride
Summary: Natsu and Gray decide to throw insults instead of fighting. What do they do when they run out of insults? NaZa at the end and Natsu-Gray nakamaship. Slight GruVia. Rated T for language, as the title suggests. Do read and review. This is a oneshot.


**Pride: As the title itself suggests, this fic is not meant for kiddies, but then again, children these days…*sigh*. Very well, go ahead. This fic is completely safe, save for my … "creative" *ahem* use of language. Enjoy. **

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Fairy Tail or any of its characters.**

* * *

Narrator's Perspective

'_Thoughts_'

_"__Speech" _

**"****Attacks/Raised Voices"**

_Settings- Place and Time_

* * *

**Profanities**

A Fairy Tail original fanfiction.

It was a peaceful and normal day in the guild of Fairy Tail. Well, as normal as it can get, at least.

Cana Alberona was emptying the seemingly never-ending supply of barrels in the guild.

(Macao: Where does all that alcohol even go? At this rate, Cana should have been turned into a water – no, alcohol balloon by now!)

Mirajane Strauss was being her usual self, greeting visitors and members of the guild alike with her cheery, angelic smile.

Lisanna Strauss was helping her sister clean the glasses and dishes, as well as fending off Gajeel's regular raids on the silverware.

(Lisanna: Honestly! Can't he find something else to munch on? Besides, since when does he eat silver? He's an **iron **dragon slayer, for goodness' sake!)

Levy was trying her best to help Lisanna by dragging Gajeel away from the shiny objects that had caused him to have sparkles in his eyes…but failing, terribly.

(Gajeel: Geeheehee, shrimp.

Levy: You jerk!)

Jet and Droy were busy moping in a corner like wounded puppies, pining for Levy's attention.

Elfman Strauss was busy being a man and trying to lecture little Asuka on how to be a man. Keyword- trying. Why I say so is because everytime he does so, Asuka's overprotective parents put a tranquilizer in him. Then, Evergreen drags him off far-far away where no one else would be affected by his overly manly tendencies to talk about being a man.

(Elfman: Ever is a MAN!

Evergreen: I am a WOMAN, you fool!)

Macao Conbolt and Wakaba Mine are smoking, while talking about things that certainly would drive the content rating of this fic up to an M if I were to go into details…so I shall wisely refrain from doing so.

Moving on…

Nab Lasaro was standing beside the mission board, looking for a mission that suited him…which I am fairly sure, would not happen anytime soon.

Vijeeter was dancing as usual – wait no. Not just dancing. It looks…different. Holy shit! Is he b-boying? Okay, I take back what I said about the guild being fairy normal. Now this is weird, even for Fairy Tail.

Lucy Heartfilia sat at one of the benches near the bar, having an animated argument with Happy. About what, you ask? Why, they were arguing about fish, of course!

(Lucy: I'm telling you, Happy, fish do NOT – I repeat, they do NOT talk!

Happy: And I'm telling you, Lucy, that when it comes to fish, no one knows better than I do! So when I say there's a fish that can talk, don't even try and contradict me!)

Oblivious to this, Natsu and Gray were fighting, as usual. Swirling flames and shards of ice clashed repeatedly, grating on the nerves of Erza, who was seated on one of the bar stools nearby.

However, she made no move to stop the two, rather choosing to sit quietly and save her energy. Time and again, she had stopped Natsu and Gray's brawls, but they repeat their actions incessantly as though she had never punished them for it before.

With a defeated sigh, Erza got off her stool and walked over to Natsu and Gray.

"_Natsu, Gray…"_

_"__Y-y-yes Erza? We're good friends, see?"_ echoed Happy #2 and Happy #3 in unison.

"_*sigh* Guys, I don't care anymore if you argue. But at least try to stick to verbal arguments and keep the collateral damage to a minimum. That way, you can insult each other and also avoid causing trouble for the Master, right?" _

_"__Hey, you're right! Erza, you're a genius!" _praised Natsu in wonder. He looked at Erza in a new light, as though she were a goddess that just descended from heaven. On a side note, he did really think that, but keep that to yourself, will you?

Erza smiled a smile that glowed as brightly as a thousand suns at Natsu's completely honest and wholehearted praise. She was also proud of herself for being able to stop Natsu and Gray's fight without having to resort to violence. She gave herself a pat on her proverbial back for a job well done.

"_Thank you Natsu." _

_"__Heh, of course she is, flame brain. More of a genius than you can ever hope to be," _Gray snorted.

"_Says you, Mr. I-froze-my-own-brains."_

_"__What did you say, flaming shit?" _

_"__You heard me, frozen shit." _

_"__Slimy lizard!"_

_"__Stripper!"_

_"__Pyromaniac!"_

_"__Streaker!"_

_"__Ash-breath!"_

_"__Flasher!" _

_"__Pinky!" _

_"__Droopy-eyes!"_

_"__Squinty-eyes!" _

_"__Pedophile!" _

_"__Freak!"_

_"__Dickhead!"_

_"__Cuntface!"_

_"__Assface!"_

_"__Shitface!"_

_"__Uhhhhh…..uhhhhh….." _Natsu dragged on, not knowing what to say.

"ERZA!" He yelled.

Erza sighed. Looks like her five minutes of peace were over.

"_What is it this time, Natsu?"_ she asked patiently.

"_I…ran out of insults for this guy here,"_ he complained with such sadness and sincerity that Erza's heart would have melted then and there, if not for the fact that Natsu was moping over something as petty and laughable as running out of insults to throw at Gray.

Erza sighed again. She's been sighing too much lately, hasn't she?

"_Natsu, if you can't find any more words in the English dictionary that can be used as insults, then just create your own."_

_"__Okay!" _he said brightly, the greatest crisis in the universe (to him, at least) having been solved.

"_So…any new insults, pink-haired freak?" _smirked Gray.

_"__Hell yeah, you 'Lucy'!" _

_"__Wh-what?! Pffffttttt HAHAHA I have to admit, that was a good one!" _Gray toppled backwards, rolling on the floor all around the guild in his laughter as Natsu did the same.

The entire guild turned to see just what had sparked such understanding between the two rivals.

"_WhAt DiD yOu SaY?"_ Lucy demanded in an almost demonic voice, having overheard the volley of insults that had ensued moments ago.

_"__Aw, chillax a bit, Luce. You should stop being so much of a 'Lucy'!" _retorted Natsu, too tickled to even consider being scared of Lucy when she was like that.

"_What?!" _shouted Lucy again, not understanding what he was even talking about.

"_You see Lucy, according to Natsu, 'Lucy' is a new insult he has come up with, and it is now officially the best and ultimate vulgarity. In your case, I think it roughly translates to 'bitch'," _Gray explained patiently before he and his rival were helplessly lost in the throes of laughter once again.

To Lucy's surprise, the entire guild had joined them in their laughter and even Erza had a few tears in her eyes after laughing too much. Erza! THE stoic Erza who rarely laughs!

Reluctantly Lucy's mouth twitched upwards slightly in the smallest possible fraction of an amused smile.

'_Never mind, I'll get Natsu and Gray for this some other day. For now, it's best not to interrupt their fun. After all, it's not everyday that you see Erza laugh,' _she decided.

That day, every single person had a new, ultimate profanity that was etched into the list of profanities they had ever heard or known of.

* * *

Over the course of the next few months, Natsu and Gray used a different guild member's name as a profanity, having a few laughs and growing closer over the days.

One day, they finally ran out of guild members' names to use as insults.

They voiced their problem to Mira and Erza who were sitting at the bar.

"_But Natsu and Gray, you still haven't used Juvia's, mine and Erza's name yet," _Mira reminded them.

"_Well, you're too nice, Mira. We wouldn't want to use your name as a vulgarity," _said Natsu.

Gray mumbled an incoherent response as to why he wouldn't use Juvia's name for that purpose, turned a deep red and ran off saying something about looking for his shorts.

"_Funny, he was just wearing his shorts,"_ said Mira with a Cheshire cat-like grin.

"_Looks like someone's in lo~ove~," _she commented in a singsong voice.

"_So, Natsu, you haven't told me why you can't use my name," _asked Erza, curious to know his reason for doing so.

_"__Because, Erza, you're perfect. You're too perfect for your own good. I won't use your name for something as stupid and demeaning as an insult. Your name and yourself only remind me of good things and beautiful things," _explained Natsu, unaware of the effect his words had on Erza.

Erza's cheeks flared up a bright scarlet just like her hair, and tears welled up in her eyes.

She decided she couldn't take any more of Natsu's innocence and ran out of the guild to calm her erratically beating heart.

_"__Erza!" _

Natsu, thinking that he had somehow hurt Erza's feelings, ran out of the guild after her to apologise, before Mira had the chance to say something cheeky.

He found Erza at sitting on the roof of one of the houses on the outskirts of Magnolia. She was clutching her chest and taking in deep breaths.

He plopped himself down next to her.

"_Erza! I'm sorry if I said something to hurt your feelings. I was worried when you just ran out of the guild like that!" _

Erza turned to Natsu, smiled reassuringly at him and threw her arms around his neck in an embrace.

"_You silly Natsu," _she chided playfully.

Natsu frowned.

"_Are you using my name as an insult, Erza?" _

She giggled at his question.

"_No, you silly boy. You may be silly and reckless, but to me, 'Natsu' means perfect. Because you are __**my**__ Natsu." _

_"__If 'Natsu' means perfect, and so does 'Erza', does that mean that 'Natsu' and 'Erza' are the same?" _he asked innocently.

"_Yes, Natsu. We can be one and the same, but only if you allow us to. Will you?"_

_"__Of course," _was his simple reply, accompanied by his signature grin that had glowed brightly through the darkness that was Erza's past.

Her eyes brimmed with unshed tears again as she removed the armour around the heart for the one person who had managed to break down all the walls she had put up around her after Jellal's betrayal.

In a swift motion, she pulled Natsu closer to herself by his scarf and crashed her lips into his.

Natsu didn't resist. Rather, he went with the flow.

He decided he could get used to this.

"_Hey Erza. Remember when I told you that you should cut down on the amount of strawberry cheesecake you eat?" _Natsu asked when they broke off for air.

_"__Yeah," _her eyes darkened a little, thinking that he was discreetly calling her fat.

_"__I take that back. Don't ever stop eating your strawberry cheesecake, 'cause I love the way your lips taste like strawberries." _

Erza's eyes softened a little, at his bold declaration.

"_By the way Natsu, was that your first kiss?" _

_"__Yeah, why?"_

_"__Because it certainly won't be your last," _she said, grasping his lips in another passionate kiss.

* * *

The next day, Natsu and Gray walked in, and glared at each other. The rest of the guild watched with rapt attention, wondering whose name the two were going to use as a profanity for that day.

"_Natsu," _stated Gray by way of greeting.

"_Gray," _Natsu returned the greeting.

The entire guild's jaws dropped the floor in surprise. No, surprise was an understatement. Shock would be a better word.

Mirajane voiced out the question that was nagging at the minds of all the guild members.

"_Have you two finally stopped fighting? You're calling each other by your actual names,"_ she questioned.

_"__No, I just decided that Natsu's name itself was enough of a profanity for him, so that's how I'm going to call him from now on,"_ explained Gray.

_"__Likewise,"_ agreed Natsu.

At a nearby bench, Juvia and Erza smiled at each other knowingly.

* * *

**Omake**

The Master of Fairy Tail, Makarov Dreyar, was standing behind a building that was two houses away from the roof of the house that Natsu and Erza were seated upon.

He was snickering evilly to himself as he dialed a number on his smartphone.

"_Reporter Jason, I have some photos you would die to get,"_ he told the voice on the other end of the line.

"_COOOOLLLL!"_

_"__It's a bunch of photos of Fairy Tail's newest and possibly strongest couple, kissing. Natsu Dragneel and Erza Scarlet. MUAHAHAHA-" _he declared with an evil maniacal laughter before he stopped himself for fear of giving away his location to the two lovebirds – no, highly dangerous mages who were close by.

"_SUPER COOOLLL!"_

_"__I'm offering you these candid photos for only two billion jewels!"_ he demanded with dollar signs in his eyes.

After he had sealed the deal, he disconnected the call, feeling pleased with himself for having the presence of mind to stalk the young couple and take photos of them.

_"__Masterrr~ Do you wanna build a coffin~" _sang Mira from behind Master Makarov.

"_HIEEEKKKK!"_

_"__You have a deathwish, don't you?" _

_"__Don'tkillme, Mira!"_

_"__No, Master, I won't kill you. A heads-up though – the two mages behind you definitely will~" _she happily sang in a creepy voice.

Master Makarov turned to glance behind him, only to see two shadows with red eyes that glinted in the darkness of the dusk.

'_Wait, why do the shadows have red and pink hair...' _

***gulp***

* * *

**Pride: Yeah, finally done! And it feels great to write a Natsu x Erza again. Hope you enjoyed it, do read and review, because every review means a lot to a writer, be it constructive criticism or flames. Even for flamers, the fact that you actually took the time to even type out a comment, no matter how anger-filled it may be, really warms the heart of a writer, so please please please take a few minutes to drop a review. Thank you. **

**Yours truly, Pride. **


End file.
